Post by Kambei on Nov 12, 2011 15:20:07 GMT
KAMBEI'S BAZAAR
Felicitous Greetings, Young Sir! I am Hassan, humble servant to Kambei and the manager of this Bazaar. Feel free to enter and peruse our plethora of exotic goods from diverse strange and myriad worlds and times.
Are you seeking some unusual trinket for your wife? Or your loved one? Or mayhap that sinuous and buxom dancing girl I saw you with last night in the tavern? Now, good sir! No need to be alarmed. Hassan is the very soul of discretion! I do not judge a man by his morals. No. Only by the size of his wallet!
Come! Come! Let me show you around! But I must point out that the prices are for the artifacts only. The figures are displayed for scale comparison only. Kambei does not believe in slavery, except for the pittance he pays me in wages!
First of all, we have trade goods from tropical lands:
Shields:
£3 for a set of 2
Rugs:
£4 for a set of 3
Golden Fleece:
(prototype)
£4.50 each
We have also come into possession of other artifacts:
Canopic Jars:
Duamutef, the jackal-headed god representing the east, whose jar contained the stomach and was protected by the goddess Neith.
Qebehsenuef, the falcon-headed god representing the west, whose jar contained the intestines and was protected by the goddess Selket.
Hapi, the baboon-headed god representing the north, whose jar contained the lungs and was protected by the goddess Nephthys.
Imseti, the human-headed god representing the south, whose jar contained the liver and was protected by the goddess Isis.
£10 Set of four (Painted)
The Rosetta Stone:
£4 each
The Shroud of Turin:
£3.50 each
The Maltese Falcon:
£4 each
Ze Fallen Madonna Mit Ze Big Boobies:
We can also supply other works of art
£4 each
Now then. We have, at great personal risk, obtained a supply of Dark Magical Artifacts:
Cthulhu Statuette:
It represented a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind. This thing, which seemed instinct with a fearsome and unnatural malignancy, was of a somewhat bloated corpulence, and squatted evilly on a rectangular block or pedestal covered with undecipherable characters. The tips of the wings touched the back edge of the block, the seat occupied the centre, whilst the long, curved claws of the doubled-up, crouching hind legs gripped the front edge and extended a quarter of the way clown toward the bottom of the pedestal. The cephalopod head was bent forward, so that the ends of the facial feelers brushed the backs of huge fore paws which clasped the croucher's elevated knees. The aspect of the whole was abnormally life-like, and the more subtly fearful because its source was so totally unknown. Its vast, awesome, and incalculable age was unmistakable; yet not one link did it shew with any known type of art belonging to civilisation's youth - or indeed to any other time. Totally separate and apart, its very material was a mystery; for the soapy, greenish-black stone with its golden or iridescent flecks and striations resembled nothing familiar to geology or mineralogy.
from Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft
£5 each (fully painted)
Skull Candle Holders:
Perfect for the Dark Wizard in your life to help him read those Eldritch Tomes by in his tower on those dark and stormy Winters evenings.
£4 the pair fully painted. Candle colour of your choice: red, white or black. Lower pot in gold, silver, bronze or polished bronze.
Speaking of Eldritch Tomes, we have 'borrowed' a copy of the Cultists Tome from the library of The Black Ring. Our scribes are busy copying it out in the back room:
The Cultists Book:
Bound in the skins of ancient lizards (simulated), this book can be displayed open or closed. 30 pages, black and white illustrations, ISBN: 616-666-616.
Disclaimer: The Management accepts no responsibility for what happens to anyone foolish enough to attempt to use the spells contained in this book. Nor do we accept any responsibility if you are dragged screaming and gibbering into the outer darkness to have your soul consumed by obscenely writhing, tentacled ancient gods.
£6 each.
Fully assembled and finished. Your choice of gemstones (simulated): diamond, ruby, emerald, sapphire. We will even substitute your own artwork into the book at no extra cost.
Finally, we are now offering wall hangings, banners, armbands, etc, made from cotton and printed out to order:
We have various designs ready to print. However, due to the awkward nature of trying to put the fabric through the printer, we must ask that you buy designs by the sheet. We will get as much onto one sheet as possible.
£10 pert sheet. A4/US Letter size. One or multiple designs. Contact me for details of what designs we currently have, or with your needs. We also do cotton armbands for your 1:18 or 1:12 scale figures.
We finally persuaded the Red Skull to model our cloth armbands. Well, credit where it is due. Hassan offered to get him a job as a eunuch in the Sultans' harem if he didn't co-operate:
(See the above post for details. Bottom section: Wall Hangings)
We will also frame your portraits:
Your favourite tyrant, despot or work of art for the discerning arms dealer.
£4 including picture.
Submitted for your approval. One of our wizards recently pulled this book through a portal from another dimension, not only of sight and sound, but also of mind. We have started translating it and believe it to be a cookbook titled: 'To Serve Man', although we are having trouble believing some of the ingredients listed:
Oh! It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!
Hmm. Manburger? Roast Leg of Man?
Our busy little scribes in the back room are copying it out
Buy one, or we will flog them.
£3 each. Ingredients not included.
Because of bank charges and the fact that my bank looks on American cheques the same way that most people regard week-old roadkill, I'm afraid that it will be Paypal for payments. I would also prefer Paypal from UK/Europe.
Please PM me for the length of time to produce the order. I am not a professional and produce each piece to order. As they are hand painted and finished, it may take a couple of weeks to fill an order, especially if I have to order special materials. I will only invoice you once the order is ready to ship. Order in bulk and you may have a pleasant surprise.
Contact me for postage charges as it varies depending on the size of envelope I will have to use and weight. It will not cost more than £2.50 UK, £3 Europe and $5 US (airmail)
Some items may vary in colour or design due to improvements.
These are collectible items, not toys. Not suitable for children.
